Step 25: Touching Demons

Mike:   There are many frightening sub-personalities roaming around in me.

Pat: Who scares you most?

Mike: Sadistic Man with his evil smile on my lips.

Pat:  Let the curl of your lips uncurl.  Feel the shape of your jaw bones with your hands.   Your jaw bones are your true smile. 

Mike: [Frowning.] Since my jaw bones are smiling I don’t have to smile.

Pat:  You’re pelvic bones are also shaped like a smile.  Let the smile in your pelvic bones move your arms and legs.

Mike:  [I lie on my back shaping my arms and legs into a smile.] My finger nails feel like claws. I’m a Vampire Man.   [I scratch my arms and legs.]

Pat: Put your finger nails on your heart.  Let your finger nails move to the drumbeat of your heart.  What do you feel?

Mike:  My heart is cold.  I’m “Heartless Man.”

Pat: Don’t put yourself down.  It’s my job to criticize. [Pat Goes down to the floor reaches a hand towards Mike.]   “Sadistic Man,”  “Vampire Man” and Heartless Man” are expressions of NOT-IN-TOUCH-MAN.  Feel the sensations of your hand touching my hand.

Mike:  When you touch me these frightening men vanish. 

Pat: Not-In-Touch Man is crying to feel touch.   So feel the floor and air while we rise up.

Mike [I start to sing as we rise up] “One of these days I’m gonna rise up touching.”

Pat: [Pat leads us down and as we fall to the ground. He sings and I join him.] And we’re gonna keep on sensing as we fall down.

Step 20 Kicking Dance

Step 20  Kicking Dance

Mike: How can my desire to kick help me dance?

Pat:  Shift your weight onto one foot.  Feel your head, heart and belly supported by your standing leg. Your kick can come from your heart.  Movement comes from support. 

Mike:  [I start kicking and Pat imitates me.]

Pat:  Look me in the face and growl while you kick.

Mike and Pat: Grrr. Grrrr.

Pat:  Your kicking prissy.  Feel the weight of your torso and supporting leg join into your kick. 

Mike and Pat: Arrgh! Ahhhhhg!

Pat: Look at me and say, “I’m mad at you!”

Pat and Mike: I’m mad at you.

Pat:  Kick your hate around the room.

Mike:  [I accidentally kick Pat’s foot while we are practicing kicking.]

Pat:  Rest.  Feel the sensations in your foot.  It’ll help you heal.

Mike: [I hold my pained foot—feeling my skin, bones and blood.]  The pain is leaving. Now I’d really like to kick you.

Pat: Kick near me--carefully.

Mike: [I circle around Pat kicking.] Kicking feels like dancing.

Pat: Now take some stomping steps around me.  Each step can bring energy from the earth to your feet and leg.

Mike:  it’s scary how freeing and fun this feels.

*****

Step: 15: Dance Rage

^{Pat: Let your impulses move your body.}

^{Mike: [I push Pat outside my door and slam the door in Pat’s face.] My basic impulse is often rage.}

^{Pat:  Dance with your rage without hurting anyone—including yourself.} 

^{Mike: [I bang with my fists on the door.]}

^{Pat:  [Opens the door.] Let your rage move your feet.}

^{Mike: [I kick towards Pat.]}

^{Pat:  Let your kicks move you around the room.}

^{Mike: [I start stomping around.]}

^{Pat: Take care not to hurt yourself as you let the momentum from your rage keep moving you.  [Pat turns on wild loud music.]}

^{Mike:  [Like a drummer I beat the floor with my feet.]}

^{Pat: [He dances with me.]  Allow momentum to keep moving you while you look at me.}

^{Mike:  [I stare and stop moving.]}

^{Pat: You look like a deer paralyzed by headlights.}

^{Mike:  Dancing with someone is scary.}

^{Pat: [Pat turns off the music.]  Stay with your paralysis until, without any effort, you discover you’re moving.}

^{Mike:  [I stay frozen for many breaths until my head starts to droop.]}

^{Pat:  Let the momentum from your drooping head begin to move you.}

^{Mike: [Led by my plopping head my body begins to plop around like a rag doll.]}

^{Pat:  [Turns on very slow music.]  Let the music join your momentum.}

^{Mike: [I begin to sway slowly to the music.]}

^{Pat: [Pat sways with me.]}

^{Mike: This could go on for a long time.}

^{Pat: As long as you respond to new impulses.}

^{Mike: [I take Pat’s hands and we sway together.]}

Step 16: Leading In The Present

Step 16:  Leading In The Present

Agenda:  How to lead?

Pat:  Lead with whatever impulse you feel now. 

Mike:  I need time to discover my impulse.  [I stop moving.]

Pat: So far so good.

Mike:  I must have the courage to do nothing until . . . 

Pat:   Our truest desire is always to be present.

Mike:  So I don’t have to force myself to be present.

Pat:  We can keep warming up with the faith that we’ll keep discovering what we want to do right now.

Mike: [I lift Pat’s arm up and twirl Pat under our arms.]

Introduction

366 Steps To Heal Souls: A Moving Journal

                                      Introduction

“Where’s the Juice?” my girl-friend screamed at me, while we were dancing.

“Why don’t you move your feet when you dance?” a friend wondered.

 “ Move your hips,” whispered another friend at a dance.

  

        I remember Stan Strickland, one of the best saxophone players in Boston, moving across a huge gymnasium while playing his instrument to a room full of joyful dancers.  I was joyful too--especially because Stan appeared to be walking straight towards me.  He put down his saxophone when he got closer and opened his mouth.  The loud drumming from the drummers made it impossible for me to hear what Stan was saying to me.  But when he stopped in front of me, I could finally hear his words, “Move with the rhythm.”

      I need a dance teacher.  I meet Pat in a one-day workshop called “The Fundamentals of Movement.”  I ask him, “Would you come to my home to teach me how to dance.” 

      I think Pat will look at how I dance and offer suggestions.  Instead we begin with the fundamentals of movement.    He tells me, “Keep your feet planted on the ground.  Don’t move them.   Breathe and be aware of how the rest of your body moves just a little. The only intentional movement is to stop if you are going to fall.”  While I do this Pat says, “You are now dancing—it’s called a “Small Dance.”

     We meet once a week for over ten years.  He teaches me to enjoy moving and enjoy dancing.  He helped me heal from abuse.  And he helped me discover deeper ways to touch and be touched, love and be loved.  He repeatedly insists that I first have to be aware of myself, my sensations, feelings, movements and momentum, before I begin to relate to another.

He confesses to me, “I first began to be aware of the importance of movement when I was uncomfortable sitting in my high school auditorium.  I discover how many of my difficult feelings are more manageable or leave when I focus on how to sit comfortably in my chair.”

     Pat and I take notes during and after each session.  While I trun these notes into steps for this book, I imagine Pat is coaching me to re-create our classes together so they more fun, teach me more and are even more healing   And he doesn’t yet charge me for channeling him.

Step 13: Dance Response

Pat:  Become interested in some movement outside of you.

Mike: [I watch Pat’s hands as he talks.]

Pat:  Mimic with different parts of your body how my hands are moving.

Mike: [My feet mimic Pat’s hands.]

Pat: Contrast in size of movement.

Mike: [I take big strides with my feet to mimic the small moves of Pat’s hands.]

Pat: Contrast in tempo.

Mike: [As Pat raises and lowers his arms slowly I raise and lower my feet twice as fast.]

Pat:  Be very serious about your own movement. It’s the only movement you have.

Mike: [I go down on my knees and pray.]

Pat:  Once you are serious you can be light.

Mike: [I stand on one leg—hands in prayer position. ]

Pat:  Emotionally respond to your partner’s movements by letting different parts of your body express your emotions

Mike: [I take both of Pat’s hands and raise them toward the ceiling as high as they can go while I lead our feet to move in a circle.]

Pat:  Raising hands could be an idea of how you’d like to move.  But what is your body emotionally feeling right now?

Mike: [My head goes down.] I don’t really know.

Pat: Not knowing is a great state to get to. Wait for an impulse.

Mike: [I begin to lift my head and look at Pat.]

Pat and Mike: [Pat’s head nods.  My body bows.]

Step 6 Continuing To Dance With The Floor

Step 6     Continuing To Dance With The Floor

Pat: Floor.

Mike: [I go down to the floor.]

Pat:  Remember you’re always dancing.  [Pat spirals down to the floor.]  Spiral up and down with me. 

Mike: [I awkwardly spiral up and a little less awkwardly spiral down.]  How am I dancing when I lie down on the floor? 

Pat:  You haven’t stopped dancing just because you’re flat on the floor.  Sense what’s going on?

Mike:  The floor seems like it is hugging me.

Pat: And?

Mike: I’m hugging the floor.

Pat:  And?

Mike: My body feels like it is teeming or throbbing with energy.

Pat: And?

Mike: My breath waves my torso.

Pat: What does that do to your dance with the floor?

Mike: My body is in a very small way lifting as I inhale and sinking while I exhale.

Pat: Does it feel delicious?

Mike: [As I exhale I say]  Now that you remind me, it’s yummy.

Step 5: Heart Dancing

Step 5:  Heart Dancing

Pat:  Try putting your hand on your heart when you’re warming up to dance.

Mike: Sensing my hand awakens love.

Pat: Love for who?

Mike: For me and and then to you.

Pat:  Feel my heart and the love from my heart dancing with your heart and your heart’s love.

Mike:  Who would have guessed—we love each other.

Pat: Lifetime homework: Whenever you feel unloving or unloved put your hand on your heart and sense your heart’s love.

Mike:  And when I sense I’m not loved or liked by someone can love from my heart dance with their heart.

Pat: As long as you don’t expect anything it’s loving practice.

Step 1: Floor Hugs

 [Pat knocks on the glass door that opens into my living room.  I open the door and hug him.]

Pat: Go hug yourself.  You can’t hug me if you’re not in touch with you.  Floor!

Mike:  [I lie down on the floor.]

Pat:  Eyes closed. [Pat and I do what he says.]  Image your weight is pouring into the floor.  Keep relaxing. The floor is your friend.  It wants to support you.

Mike: [I sing to the floor.]  I give to you and you give to me. 

Pat:  The floor doesn’t just give to you.  It gives you you. 

Mike: And I make out like a bandit.  I get a better me back.

Pat: What does the better you have to say for itself?

Mike: Thanks floor for hugging me till I feel more integrated.

Chapter One: Hugging's Dancing

Chapter One: Hugging's Dancing

Step 101: Floor Hugs 

 [Pat knocks on the glass door that opens into my living room.  I open the door and hug him.]

Pat: Go hug yourself.  You can’t hug me if you’re not in touch with you.  Floor!

Mike:  [I lie down on the floor.]

Pat:  Eyes closed. [Pat and I do what he says.]  Image your weight is pouring into the floor.  Keep relaxing. The floor is your friend.  It wants to support you.

Mike: [I sing to the floor.]  I give to you and you give to me. 

Pat:  The floor doesn’t just give to you.  It gives you you. 

Mike: And I make out like a bandit.  I get a better me back.

Pat: What does the better you have to say for itself?

Mike: Thanks floor for hugging me till I feel more integrated

Step 16 Wow Dance

 

Step 16     Wow Dance

Mike [Dancing with Pat]  Sometimes when I dance I hear my mind say: “I love you, love, love love you.” 

Pat: Undulate your torso as we speak.

Mike: Wow. My eyes feel connected to my torso now.

Pat: Your “wow’s”could include me when you say them, but they don’t. Your head feels this ecstasy and leaves me out.

Mike: Let me try saying “Wow” to include you while I am undulating.

Pat: Good.

Mike: [This time my eyes do not stray from Pat. As my body makes small undulations I quietly say] Wow.

Pat: Yawning is more embodied than your wows. Try yawning.

Mike: I didn’t realize I could yawn at will. [I keep yawning.]

Pat: Let the yawn stretch through your body. Lay down on all four sides and stretch. Momentum has an ebb and flow. Let the end of one stretch move into a new momentum. Don’t cut off momentum.

Mike: When I cut off momentum, I need too much effort to dance.

Pat: Add the floor as a contributor to your movement.

Mike: So the floor is joining my dance. I can feel it giving umff and substance to my moves.

Pat: And a definition and a structure. You are not dancing simply in air. 

Mike: [I stand up and put my arms around the air and we dance.

Pat: What emotion rises in you?

Mike: Awe.

Pat: What emotions do you feel from other parts of your body.

Mike: [Bouncing on my feet.]  Happy.

Pat:  Allow a sound to come from your movement.

Mike: My belly says, “Omm.”

Pat: Is there an emotion you can discover in your belly’s Om.

Mike: Wow.

Pat: Remember to aim the sound of your wow to my body.

Mike: [I yawn with my whole body, arms opening a wow to Pat.]